Take Comfort Where You Can

Sometimes being human hurts.

This last week I had the first half of a root canal. I wasn’t expecting it to be fun, but I also wasn’t expecting 90 minutes of torture.

Okay, so I’m exaggerating, but for my highly sensitive self, it was pretty miserable.

First off, it wasn’t my dentist. I had to go to an endodontist and thus a visit to a new office and a new doctor. While the staff and dentist were kind, they didn’t do things like I was used to. It made me appreciate how Dr. Sneller (my current dentist) goes above and beyond to keep her patients informed and comfortable through the whole experience.

The procedure started out with numbing liquid dripping down my throat (causing panicky thoughts that I’d no longer be able to swallow), to the nova Caine shot causing my heart to race. And then there was the jaw issue. I had to be switched to the child size mouth prop because I can’t open my jaw fully as a result of the jaw surgery I had after an injury as a teenager. Even with the smaller prop, my jaw throbbed. I also realized my meditation practice needs to be more robust because with nothing to distract me from the pain and fear, my mind was not a happy place.

At one point, they had to take an x-ray, so I was able to sit up. Body shaking in relief from having the mouthpiece removed, at least for a moment, I looked out the window. There in the little patch of nature, was a deer.

I held onto the deer when they lowered me back down for round two. I imagined myself stroking its nose and sitting in the woods beside it with Buttons (my parents’ dog) beside me. That’s when I remembered something I’d learned on the canoe trip from one of my canoe mates. He said at one point that he was taking comfort where he could amidst the portaging pain, constant paddling and bug attacks. I realized that was what I needed to do. Take comfort where I could until the experience ended.

After it was all over, I reflected on what I’d learned. It made me realize how often I let myself get worried about something that hasn’t happened yet or is long over, instead of being in the present peace. Since then, I found myself countering worrisome thoughts with, “well, at least you aren’t getting a root canal right now.” I hope I remember that part, even after the memory of this experience fades.

So, next time you are in a painful spot, whether it is physically or emotionally painful, look for those little places of comfort and hang in there. This too shall pass.